Ditch the timeline! We often hear timelines attached to healing from different physical injuries such as broken bones, wounds, surgeries, and more. When an individual suffers from emotional trauma and grief, it’s no surprise that people often want to attach a timeline to that healing process as well. If only I could tell you how frequently I heard the phrase, “Healing from betrayal trauma takes 3-5 years.” However, it’s hard to place a timeline on our emotional healing. Healing is unique to the individual, and the individual decides the work of healing.
There are so many facets to emotional healing. It is rarely linear. We would like it to follow a straight line, fit a pattern, a mold, or look like someone else’s (probably because we long for the familiar); however, our healing will be as unique and individual as we are.
One thing I know for sure about healing is that healing takes work, which is valid for everyone. Healing doesn’t just happen. Regardless of what you are trying to heal from, you have to put in the work. Just as someone recovering from a physical injury has work ahead of them—physical therapy perhaps, doctor visits, etc. so does an individual recovering from emotional trauma. You’ve probably heard that before but maybe have wondered, “What does that mean?” Putting in the work can mean a variety of things depending on your situation and what you’re trying to heal from, but may include:
- learning to feel and express your emotions
- learning to process the trauma
- learning to release anger
- learning to forgive
- learning to reconcile relationships
- learning to rebuild trust
- learning new coping strategies
Depending on what you’re trying to heal or recover from, you’ll find a variety of opinions on how long that takes. Others may offer you a variety of timelines, but you should use those with caution. While they may be helpful in one sense, they can also be harmful. They can place limitations on you mentally and emotionally in that you think you have to take a certain amount of time before you’re healed from your trauma. Or maybe you believe your work is done before it is because you’ve finished in the framework of the timeline.
When an individual is ready to do the work, with the power of the Holy Spirit and the help of a knowledgeable counselor, God can heal an individual more quickly and efficiently than any timeline could ever predict.
“Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19
Yet, there are also times when God wants us to go through a process. God wants us to put in the work and take the extra time so we learn some valuable lessons along the way we wouldn’t learn otherwise. My advice? Ditch the timeline! Don’t be held captive by it. Let God work in His timing, and appreciate the lessons you learn.
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