But We’re Not Compatible

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. Genesis 1:27

“We got divorced because we were not compatible …”

That is not a reason – for the truth is that no married couple is compatible. God created us differently – one is a male and the other is a female. Every cell of our body shows the difference. The twenty-third chromosome contains either a xy chromosome [male] or a xx chromosome which makes the carrier a female. All of the physical differences are determined by this distinct chromosome.

No couple is compatible. This is the beauty and mystery of God’s great plan. He took two incompatible people, joined them and made them one in a beautiful union. Any marriage is a miracle.

God created us “male and female” [Genesis 1:27]. We are not the same. Again, in Genesis 5:1,2 the Bible explicitly tells us, “In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him; Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.”

When giving the direction to Noah about what living creatures would be allowed on the Ark, God said, “And of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the ark, to keep them alive with thee; they shall be male and female” [Genesis 9:19]. Again, in chapter seven God specifically said in four verses that the animals must be “male and female.”

In Matthew 19, the Pharisees came to Jesus trying to use the issue of marriage and divorce to trip Jesus up. “Can we put away our wives for every cause?” Jesus said, “Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” [I love it when Jesus asked, “Can you not read?] Here Jesus states, first of all that these two partners are unique and different. Secondly, they are to leave their old family, build something brand new and then God would knit them together into a union that no man was to sever.

God made male and female. He created them differently. The man he formed from the dust of the ground, and breathed into him the breath of life. The woman, He took a bone out of the side of Adam, symbolic of the place she should fill in the life of her husband. God took a bone out of Adam’s side, under his arm and close to his heart.

Husband and wives come from different backgrounds. They come from different families with different backgrounds and different values – sometimes from dysfunctional families. These families have different customs, even liking different foods. They may have different personalities and different emotional responses. One may be sanguine and the other melancholy.

God made them male and female. The male is a ‘Do-er’. He gets his feelings of worth from what he achieves. You ask a man his name and the next question will be “What do you do”. He likes to think of himself as a ‘logical thinker’. This is because most men tend to favor his left brain which is more linear and orderly. Men are more ’risk takers’ – this is the main reason most companies were started and are led by men. Men want to be seen as ‘strong’ and independent. Men have a real problem putting their deep feelings into words.

God made them male and female. Women tend to get their feeling of worth through relationships. After asking a woman her name the next question a woman will ask is, “How is your family?” A woman tends to use more of her right brain, giving her the ability to make decisions ‘intuitively’. God knew that the family needed both types of thinking. God made the woman to be the mother and the ‘nest builder’. She is more ready to be the ‘helper’ – she wants to be needed. While men are more ready to take risk, she wants and needs more security.

Men are more ready to use force to get what they want, while the women conquers by gentleness. I have heard that if more of the leaders in the world were women, that we would have far less wars. When there is conflict within a marriage, the woman wants to resolve it by talking about it. Her husband tends to withdraw from the conflict.

The above photo was taken from Bennie DeMerchant’s plane — this shows the black waters of the Niger river and the brown waters of the Amazon coming together at Manues, Brazil. The waters now flow in the same channel – but are they really one river? They will have to flow for many miles, churning and mixing until their waters are really one. Marriage is a journey –not an event.

With all these differences, it is a miracle that my wife and I have been ‘happily’ married for sixty years. Marriage is not a matter of emotions, but it is a matter of the will. My wife and I are not completely compatible, but we are married and we love each other. It has been a wonderful and adventurous journey together. Love is the cement that binds us together.

“What God has joined together, let no man put asunder” Matthew 19:6.