Idealistic Distortion

Idealistic Distortion is a term Prepare/Enrich uses for pre-marital or marriage counseling. Idealistic Distortion measures the extent to which a person distorts the relationship in a positive direction.

A scale of 1-100 is used to measure Idealistic Distortion. A score below 40 indicates a more realistic approach to describing the relationship. However, a score above 65 indicates that a person represents their relationship in an overly positive manner and is seeing it through “rose-colored” glasses.

In other words, the lower a score is; the more realistic the view of their relationship. Conversely, the higher the score; the more unrealistic the perspective.  This can be destructive.

It is not uncommon for one member of a relationship to be more negative than the other, which means one is more positive than the other. We can readily see the pitfalls of being overly negative. However, not many would consider being too positive detrimental. But it can be.

I live in the Pacific Northwest. It could be argued we get more than our share of rain. For someone to say the sun is shining all day, every day, they would have to have wings and spend their time above the clouds, ignoring everything going on below.

Taking this analogy to relationships, some might say this is a beautiful way to live. However, it is unrealistic and damaging to a relationship. If an actual problem does not receive proper and respectful consideration, and if one is not listening to the voice of the other, the result is unhealthy.

Ignoring a problem does not make it go away. If the problem does not receive the attention it needs, it may seem to dissipate. Still, in reality, the problem grows exponentially. It is much wiser to address a problem in its infancy rather than waiting until it is full-blown.

Healthy communication is the key to resolving conflict sooner rather than later. Don’t wait and don’t ignore the problem. Be realistic and deal with each one as it comes.

For a marriage check-up and to find out your Idealistic Distortion score, contact us: dsirstad@dsministries.com.

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