Initiate or Stagnate?

Initiate or stagnate! I write this to every individual in a relationship today. Most of humanity is part of several associations. A relationship could be with a spouse, parent, sibling, child, or other family members. It could be with a friend, a work associate, or someone at church. In short, I write this to you.

Every relationship is only as strong as its weakest initiator!

Stagnate may be too strong a word, but then again, maybe not. Let me explain.

It is rare for a relationship to have two individuals that initiate to the same degree. In the case of a marriage, one spouse will begin more conversations than the other. One spouse will initiate intimacy more than the other: one starts, and the other responds.

The more balanced the initiation is between parties, the healthier the relationship will be. The opposite is true, as well. The more initiation is dominated by one; the more anemic the relationship will be. There are always anomalies, but for the majority, this is accurate.

When one party is the predominate initiator, at some point, that person will begin to back off. Subconsciously distrust begins to develop. They wonder why the other does not initiate as much as they do. Anger enters the scene, either external or internal, or both.

Confusion takes place. Both wonder what is wrong with the other. What was once a happy household is now cold, distant, and, yes, stagnant.

Some understanding would certainly help. Learning each party’s temperament will go a long way to achieving this understanding. Recognizing the fear of rejection, working to replace it with trust, will do wonders. Most perceived rejection is, in actuality, not rejection. But, try telling that to the one who is perceiving the rejection.

Other components can be a factor, as well. The good news is that if a relationship gets to this point, it does not have to stay here. The span of initiating can be more balanced. It will take some work. But it can happen!

I would love to help. Please contact me. You will be glad you did. Initiate or Stagnate!

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