If you go to Webster’s Dictionary, you will find ‘love’ defined as a noun and a verb. The majority of its definitions are nouns. It seems to me that Webster struggles to define ‘love.’ They do a decent job describing a variety of feelings they connect to love but fall short defining love itself. That’s my opinion, and I’m sticking to it.
Most folks associate love with a feeling. However, in its purest form, love is not a feeling. Instead, the feeling identified as love comes as a result of love.
Love is a verb. Love is an action. It is doing.
God, in His graciousness, gave us a jump start in relationships by giving us warm fuzzy feelings before we deserved them. There are many naturally secreted chemicals within us, which show up when we are attracted to someone else.
However, those naturally secreted chemicals begin to dissipate within 1-3 years after marriage, depending on our actions or lack thereof. As long as you are ‘doing’ you are practicing pure love.
During the ‘prowl stage’ (my term for the time before marriage), you are doing things you otherwise would not do. You might find yourself mowing your girlfriend’s grass or washing her dad’s car. You might find yourself helping his mom around the house.
Many people talk more before marriage than after. Many are at their best behavior before marriage. All this time, they are not thinking about themselves as much as they are thinking about the other person.
You are selfless. So, you say, “I do.”
Then, at some point within the next three years, most people start the transition to selfishness. As a result, doing diminishes. Then the warm fuzzies evaporate.
The solution? Even though you don’t ‘feel’ like it, start doing again. Start practicing pure love. You will find you are married to the person of your dreams, after all.
Remember, the feeling of love comes as a result of doing love.
I am happy to come to your church for a weekend and teach this concept of love. You may also refer individuals/couples to me for counseling. Call me at 503-481-2934.
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